It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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