I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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