remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
