i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
