I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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