my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
