I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
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