I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
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