This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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