why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Randomize