Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
