watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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