i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Randomize