i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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