Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
