So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
