So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Randomize
