Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize