I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize