Old men and throwing up are my life now.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
