I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
love makes seman taste better
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
