Your dad touched me again.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize