Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
