this boner is exhausting
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
