ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
