you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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