i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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