Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
