True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
