haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
