So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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