Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
