well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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