you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
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