P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
