i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
