There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Randomize
