i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
