hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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