i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
