the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
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