that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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