that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Randomize
