the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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