The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Randomize
