Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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