respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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