The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
