Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Randomize
