don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
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