My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
