I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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