just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
