He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
