I should be sponsored by Trojan
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I have aggressive nipples.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
The air taste purple.
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