we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize