Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
