well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
