Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I want a musical about memes.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
