dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
We're not piercing ourselves today.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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