bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
