Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
